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<title>REMINISCENCES</title>

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<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center; line-height:150%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0"><b
style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><font size="4">REMINISCENCES</font><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<div class=Section1>

<p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;mso-line-height-alt:
10.8pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; line-height:150%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><b
style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:20.0pt;'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></b></p>

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mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none'>

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</div>

<div class=Section2>

<p class=MsoNormal align=right style='text-align:center;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><b
style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><font size="4">The Initiation of Swadeshi</font></b><i><o:p><font size="4">&nbsp;</font></o:p></i></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><i><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></i></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>THE Swadeshi Movement of
1905 in <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>
was a most astonishing event, something in the nature of a marvel; one might
almost call it a miracle. It was like those great upheavals of Nature, as
sudden and irresistible.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Earlier
preparations and abortive attempts there had been galore, with results that
counted for little. This huge mammoth mass of humanity lay inert, like Kumbhakarna of the epic story, for hundreds of years. Here and there once in a
while an attempt had been made to pour into its ears fiery words of awakening,
like:<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-indent:11.0pt;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Who would
live a life bereft of all <span class=GramE>freedom,</span> <span
style='mso-tab-count:1'>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;
line-height:150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:
none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Who would care so to live?<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;mso-line-height-alt:9.1pt;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; line-height:150%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span
class=GramE>or</span>,<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span
style='mso-bidi-font-weight:bold'>In<b> </b></span>this <st1:place><st1:PlaceType>land</st1:PlaceType>
 of <st1:PlaceName>India</st1:PlaceName></st1:place> there are thirty <span
class=SpellE>crores</span> of men, <span style='mso-tab-count:1'>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;
line-height:150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:
none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>And the foreigner rules here supreme!<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>and</span>,<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><st1:country-region><st1:place>China</st1:place></st1:country-region>
is awake, <st1:country-region><st1:place>Japan</st1:place></st1:country-region>
is awake,<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:20.6pt;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:
none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span style='mso-tab-count:1'>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>But <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>
persists in her sleep.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;tab-stops:20.6pt;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>In sheer desperation, the
poet had exclaimed:<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Unless the
women of <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>
are wide awake, <span style='mso-tab-count:1'>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>This land
of ours will never awaken.<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 321<o:p></o:p></span></p>

<div class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;line-height:13.2pt;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none'>

<hr size=2 width="100%" align=center>

</div>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>If
the Sepoy Mutiny of 1857 was truly our freedom's battle, it was no more than a
scratch on a solid block of stone. A few shots fired, one or two murders (like
those of the Chapekar brothers) – the whole thing had the dimensions of <span
class=GramE>a</span> flea-bite.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.25pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>But
what was this happening now? All on a sudden, almost overnight, the dark
accumulation of centuries was shaken off, and with the speed of lightning,<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.25pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>The Mother
was up on her feet.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Over the entire land there
passed a mighty flood, an earthquake shook all. We looked on in wonder, lifted
our voices in splendid chorus:<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>We know not
when, O Mother, out of the heart of <st1:place>Bengal</st1:place>, </p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>You
suddenly revealed yourself in your strange beauty. </p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Our eyes cannot
turn their gaze from you, O Mother. </p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>The doors
have swung wide open in the golden temple.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:199.65pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:13.5pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Almost
overnight again, how very different we became from what we had been as
individuals! We used to be just humdrum creatures, most ignorant and inert; now
we became conscious and <span class=GramE>alert,</span> our lives acquired a
meaning, an aim, a purpose. We used to move in the traditional ruts, dull and
desperate. Instead of that our lives now got <span class=GramE>a cohesion</span>,
an orientation. Borne along the current and driven with the crowd, the most one
could hope for in the past was to become a Deputy Magistrate or Professor, a
Doctor or Advocate, worldly men of sufficient means. In a moment, all this got
topsy-<span class=GramE>turvey,</span> our lives were rent in twain as if by an
earthquake. There lay across the chasm the deathlike life of the dead <span
class=GramE>past,</span> and here loomed a life of the present that faced the
future with new duties.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:13.5pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><st1:City><st1:place>Calcutta</st1:place></st1:City>
was at the time in the throes of a great turmoil. The press and the platform 
were loud with cries of &quot;Free<span class=SpellE><span
class=GramE>dom</span>&quot; and &quot;Boycott&quot;: </span>
<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;'>Page – 322<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
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<span class=SpellE>the British must
be driven out, <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>
must be rid of the Britisher. In the parks and wherever there was an open
space, crowds would gather to listen to lectures and orations, crowds mostly of
boys from the schools and colleges – the girls had not yet come out and joined.
Swadeshi, boycott, national education, rural uplift – these were the slogans
dwelt upon everywhere. And with it all there went on, in secret, underground
preparations for revolution and revolt and armed attack.<o:p></o:p></span></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:12.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>In
our country, it has not been at all a rare thing for an individual to arrive at
a turning point in his life which makes him leave the comforts of home and go
out in search of something higher; such an event may be counted among the
familiar and commonplace. But a whole nation rushing away from its old moorings
in search of the unknown – this was a rather extraordinary spectacle. Something
like it had been seen during the French Revolution, in the storming of the
Bastille, for example, but the Indian awakening had a different form and
character.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:12.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>I
myself attended a number of meetings, particularly at Hedua, in Panti's Math
and <st1:Street><st1:address>College Square</st1:address></st1:Street>, in the
evening after college hours. At one of those meetings in Panti's Math, I had a
view of Rabindranath as a leader and high-priest of nationalism, calm and
handsome and sweet-tongued and self-possessed but breathing words of fire
charged with strength and enthusiasm. On another day I chanced to see, in the
fading twilight of evening at a meeting in <st1:Street><st1:address>College
  Square</st1:address></st1:Street>, Sri Aurobindo. He was wrapped in a shawl
from head to foot – perhaps he was slightly ill. He spoke in soft tones, but
every word he uttered came out distinct and firm. The huge audience stood
motionless under the evening sky listening with rapt attention in pin-drop
silence. I can now recall only these few words of his: it was a matter of shame
and regret for him that he was unable to speak in his native tongue, his early
training and environment had been such as compelled him to express himself in a
foreign language; he was asking<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 323<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>to</span>
be pardoned by his countrymen. And the other thing I remember was the sweet
musical rhythm that graced the entire speech. This was the first time I saw him
with my own eyes and heard him.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:12.2pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>The
events of another day come to mind. Perhaps it was on the occasion of the first
declaration of Boycott, on <st1:date Year="1905" Day="7" Month="8">the 7th of
 August, 1905</st1:date>. The <st1:place><st1:PlaceType>Town Hall</st1:PlaceType>
 of <st1:PlaceName>Calcutta</st1:PlaceName></st1:place> was the venue of the
meeting. What a huge crowd had gathered there and what an oceanic movement! I
had been taken there by Atul Gupta, the friend, philosopher and guide of my
student days; I had been his disciple in every respect, in my studies as in
patriotic work. He made me sit by his side and gave me the necessary
instructions. The entire audience at one time stood up in a body and shouted
their unanimous approval of a resolution: &quot;All, all,&quot; they cried. I
too had to do the same. You will perhaps call it drama, but after all, the
critical moments of life are nothing but drama. There was no hypocrisy about
the <span class=GramE>thing,</span> it was just a manner of expression. One
thing deserves to be mentioned here: the voices I heard of the many orators of
that epoch. The glory of those voices is now lost, thanks to the kindness of
the mike. Surendranath Banerjee, Ambikacharan Majumdar, Sachindranath Bose and
of course Bepinchandra Pal – what high-pitched voices they had and how graceful
in movement! How was it possible to combine in a single voice such power and
strength with so much sweetness! I had read about the orations of Demosthenes
and <st1:City><st1:place>Cicero</st1:place></st1:City>, heard the eulogies of
France's Mirabeau and Danton, of Burke and Gladstone of England. But it was
truly an experience to have heard with one's own ears a human voice of their
calibre. One cannot do without a mike today if one is to address an audience of
a thousand. In those days ten thousand people could easily listen to those
superhuman voices. But why need we go so far? You have all listened to the
voice of our Sahana, a voice that held the heart of Rabindranath enthralled.
Let me here tell you an amusing story in this connection, though it belongs to
a much<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 324<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>later</span>
date. There was a musical <i>soirée<span style='font-family:"Arial Narrow";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Arial Narrow"'> </span></i>at the residence of one of
Dilip's relatives; it was at his uncle's I believe. I too was among the
invitees and there was a fairly big crowd. The performers of the evening were
to be a virtuoso, one of the well-known ones though I forget the name, and our
Sahana. A question arose: who would sing first, Sahana or the virtuoso? It was
agreed to have Sahana first and the virtuoso to follow; after all, a master
must have the last word! Sahana finished her songs and now it was the master's
turn. But he dropped a bombshell! He said, &quot;One cannot sing anything after
that, it would fall flat!&quot; He did sing, though, after a while…. Those were
the days indeed.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span
class=GramE>Now to resume the thread of my narrative.</span> During the
holidays I was back in my home town of <st1:City><st1:place>Rungpore</st1:place></st1:City>.
Here there was evidence of the same movement, with identical features. We
roamed the streets singing, that is, shouting hoarsely at the top of our voices
we did the morning rounds with songs like<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:150%;
mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Awake, O
men of <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>,
how long would you sleep?<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:
none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='line-height:150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:
none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>and</span> so on.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:13.5pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Perhaps
it was in October, there was a day of special oath-taking. The day was to be a
day of complete fasting, no smoke should appear over the top of any house, <span
class=GramE>any</span> house showing signs of smoke would be marked in black
for treachery. I too undertook a complete fast on that day – the first and the
last time I have ever done such a thing. I did not even touch a drop of water
during the twenty-four hours. But that did not keep me indoors doing nothing. I
roamed the streets as usual, shouting &quot;Bande Mataram&quot; with the
processions. The vital being in us, in its enthusiasm and excitement, cares
not a whit for anything.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:13.5pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Something
rather out of the ordinary came to pass one day. There was an order served on
the town as a whole and on certain individuals in particular, forbidding all
processions.<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 325<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>No one was to take out a
procession or join in one. <span style='mso-bidi-font-weight:bold'>In<b> </b></span>defiance
of the order – defying orders was part of the programme of those days – groups
of young boys came out and roamed about the streets singing. But that was all
they did, there was no occasion for any breach of the peace save the
disturbance that their shouts might have caused. Nevertheless, the 'Bande Mataram'
cry in itself was in the official view a symbol of resistance, of violence and
atrocity. So the police soon rushed after us, ordering us to disperse. We left
the main road and gathered in a garden-like empty space by the roadside. Many
had left, but about a hundred – I was among that number – squatted down. The
police sub-inspector Raicharan arrived on the scene with a mighty mien,
accompanied by a few constables. As he kept on touching each of us on the head
by turns, he muttered in his inimitable English, &quot;You arrest, you
arrest.&quot; We were taken to the Magistrate's bungalow, and as the day drew
to a close we were released .on bail. The case came up before the court. The
ringleader of our group had been Atul Gupta. Our counsel pleaded on his behalf
that he was a man of position – he was at the time a student of the M.A. class –
and should therefore be provided with a chair instead of having to stand on
the dock. The magistrate took no notice and dismissed the plea. Atul Gupta's
father happened to be a prominent nationalist of the town and the order
banning processions had been served in his house. This had the effect of
doubling or trebling the seriousness of Atul's offence; for he was an educated
man, he claimed to be a leader, what he had done was done with full knowledge
and deliberately. Hence the punishment he received was the heaviest of us all,
a fine of a hundred rupees. Thus he became a marked man, and it stood in his
way when in afterlife his name was considered for a judgeship of the High
Court. There could be no place for him as a Judge in the <st1:place>British
 Empire</st1:place>, and he had to remain an advocate. This however did not
hurt him in any way, either by way of pres<span class=SpellE><span
class=GramE>tige</span> </span></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 326<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span class=SpellE>or emoluments. We had in our group another person
considerably older than all of us. We used to call him a member of the vagabond
company, as he did no work or studies. He was asked by the Court, &quot;What is
your occupation?&quot; In order to keep up his dignity and position, he replied,
&quot;General merchant.&quot; The Magistrate took him at his word and awarded a
fine of fifty rupees. Fifty rupees! But the poor fellow was not even worth
five. I for my part might have escaped, as I was a mere boy, but I was fired
twenty-five rupees. The reason was that when they asked me if I had been aware
of the Government order, I said without any hesitation that most certainly I
was. A deliberate defiance of the law! That was an unpardonable offence.
Afterwards, during the Alipore Bomb case, this was cited against me on behalf
of the prosecution in order to prove that I was an old offender. But the judge
of the Alipore court, Beachcroft, had rather taken a fancy to me. He did not
take any note of this point and dismissed it as school-boy bravado. Nevertheless,
that confession of mine had been dubbed by many at the time an act of
foolishness, as they said, had I but mentioned that I knew nothing of the
Government order, they would have let me off without further ado. My answer was
that I was embarking on a good and noble venture, how could I start off with a
lie?<o:p></o:p></span></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.75pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>I
have referred above to sub-inspector Raicharan. An ordinary sub-inspector, he
was nonetheless an interest colourful personality, exercising considerable
power and influence as a strong man. Immediately after our so-called
&quot;arrest&quot;, when he came to know who I was, he blurted out &quot;So you
are Rajanibabu's son? But why didn't you tell me earlier? I would have let you
off. Now I can't do anything about it, it is too late.&quot; He knew my father
very well and had been a sub-inspector at Nilphamari as well. As I was saying,
sub-inspector Raicharan was a man with <span class=GramE>an individuality</span>.
I can still picture him riding at a gallop, his chest proudly thrust forward,
the tail of his horse flying at the 
<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 327<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>back</span>,
in front his beard reaching to the chest, puffed up by the wind and parted in
two. His mount too was a well-known race-horse of the town. They used to hold
races in the huge meadow near the Collector's office – we called it the
Collectorate Math. It was Raicharan's horse that always came first; he was his
own jockey.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-indent:13.5pt;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Thus it was that I
received a new initiation in my life.</p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:13.5pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>Within
a short while I discovered that my mind had taken a completely different turn.
Studies offered no longer an attraction, nor did the ordinary life in the
world. To serve the country, to become a devoted child of the Mother, for ever
and a day, this was now the only objective, the one endeavour. What would that
imply?<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:12.7pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>It
implied that one must give up everything else: studies of course, and parents
and relatives, all. I felt it was my duty to keep my parents informed of this
irrevocable decision of mine. I thought it would be an act of treachery towards
them if I were to do anything so drastic without their knowledge. There was,
no doubt, the old maxim of the sages, <i>yad-ahar-eva virajet, tad-ahar-eva
pravrajet, </i>&quot;one must leave one's home the day one feels the
attachments cease to bind.&quot; The Buddha did that, Chaitanya did that,
though Shankara wanted to arrive at an understanding with his mother first.<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:11.0pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>I
thought I should now break the news to my father. I distinctly remember the
scene. I was then aged seventeen and a student of the Third Year, not exactly a
kid, you see. One evening, as my father rested in bed after his dinner, I came
and sat by his side. I had come determined to tell him, but there was a little
hesitation about the way of putting it. I could not obviously just blurt out.
&quot;I am going to leave home in order to do patriotic work.&quot; At last, I
managed to put it like this, for we had a deep respect for our father: &quot;I
shall not be studying any more at the <st1:place><st1:PlaceName>Presidency</st1:PlaceName>
 <st1:PlaceType>College</st1:PlaceType></st1:place>; I shall join the <st1:place><st1:PlaceName>National</st1:PlaceName>
 <st1:PlaceType>College</st1:PlaceType></st1:place>.&quot; To join the <st1:place><st1:PlaceName>National</st1:PlaceName>
 <st1:PlaceType>College</st1:PlaceType></st1:place> had become a craze at the
time, and I thought that to put it that way would be to give the least offence.
I<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 328<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;line-height:150%;mso-pagination:
none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>stopped</span>
with that one sentence. My father listened to me and then he began his
discourse: &quot;Whatever you do, you should do after a good deal of thought.
Never do anything under a sudden impulse, for that might later give you cause
for regrets. First, you must remember that you are the eldest son in the
family. We are getting on in age and you have younger brothers and sisters of
whom it is incumbent on you to take charge, or else they would find themselves
thrown out on the streets. Secondly, if you want to serve your country, that is
a good thing and I do not stand in your way. But if you can succeed in becoming
<span class=GramE>a somebody</span>, in learning and position, then you would
be able to do much better and bigger things, wouldn't you? You don't have to go
very many years, at the most two or three, to finish your education. Once you
acquire a decent position in life, you will not need to be just a common
worker; you can, with your learning and intellectual gifts, become one of the
leaders. Look at Atul Gupta, for instance. He didn't have to give up his <span
class=GramE>studies,</span> he has just done his M.A. and is now reading Law.
He has acquired a name and some fame and will be able to work for the country
ten times better as a man of position. And besides, there is another thing. If
you feel a true urge for renunciation, like Shankara or Chaitanya, that is
another matter, for that would add lustre to our family. But you must first
look into yourself carefully to see if you have developed in yourself that
strength and capacity. If it is just the caprice of a moment, then there will
be no end of regrets afterwards...&quot;<o:p></o:p></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:10.3pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>He
went on in this strain for some time. I sat silent and motionless like a block
of stone. But I felt a sense of release within: I had said what I wanted to
say, done my duty. <span class=GramE>And as to my decision, that would be
unshaken, &quot;as long as shone a sun and a moon&quot;, <i>yavaccandra-divakarau.</i></span><i><o:p></o:p></i></p>

<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:10.55pt;line-height:
150%;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>I
was now reminded of the story of Parvati in the <i>Kumarasambhava </i>of Kalidasa.
Mahadeva comes in disguise to beguile her mind. He says, &quot;What you have
set your heart on is but<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

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mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'>
<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 329<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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<p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:
none;text-autospace:none; line-height:150%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0'><span class=GramE>a</span> ghost, a goblin, a dirty
creature. Is it <span class=GramE>meet</span> to have such a low despicable
thing for a husband?” And Parvati answer back, “You may say what you like, but
my mind is set, it will not be shaken.” The mind had settled on its one
attraction, <i>mamatra bhavaikarasam manah sthitam, </i>it had now no
other way.<o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>

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<span
style='font-size:10.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;'>Page – 330<o:p></o:p></span></p>

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